


most of the time

by TheLittleTrashCat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Chronic Pain, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecurity, No Dialogue, OC centric, OG creativitys name is romulus, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Touch-Starved, he really needs one, not intended to be OG creativity/pride but you can see it that was if you want, ocs by my lovely friend peachsneakers, someone give pride a hug, spoiler alert its the original creativity, tfw your friends forget all of the memories you made together, the poor guy :(, well expect for one line but i dont think it counts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22504849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleTrashCat/pseuds/TheLittleTrashCat
Summary: Wrath's disappearance has led to chaos and confusion amongst the Sins, as it wasn't every day a Sin's room suddenly moved.Pride isn't quite sure what all the fuss is about, but Wrath's disappearance does lead him to a trip down memory lane that brought back thoughts he hadn't, well thought of, in a long, long while.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 46





	most of the time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peachsneakers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/gifts).
  * Inspired by [through crimson sunglasses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176663) by [peachsneakers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers). 



> look peach, its the Thing i was telling you about 
> 
> written to take place in (well before technically, then during) the series [preservation of the self](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1415608), so if youve not read that this likely wont make a lot sense (im sure you could do without if you just want some angst lol)
> 
> anyways pride is my son now

It must be easy for the others, Pride mused, watching from his perch up on the watchtower as Lust flirted with all the hot guys, Gluttony gorged himself on all the sweets, Greed gleefully spend all of his money on ludicrous things and Envy and Jealousy ranted to each other about who knows what. 

Wrath is gone, his no nonsense I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude apsent, leaving a gaping hole and smooth, fresh wallpaper where an old and wore down wooden door with a tilt caused by abused hinges and scratches of all sizes raked across it and a circular hole from the handle being slammed into the wall after it had flung open in rage-

Needless to say, Wrath was gone, room moved to who knows where and Pride couldn't help but feel what he thought was betrayed. 

A gentle breeze blew through the lazy summer afternoon in the Imagination. Roman's side of the Imagination, specifically. Jealousy and Envy had dragged them all to hang out in Roman's Kingdom, saying, "We don't need that Wrath bastard! It's been too long since we've seen the sun anyways!"

The last one, Pride could agree with privately, in the depths of night, but he couldn't help but disagree with the first. The house had erupted into chaos, all of the Sins freaking out about the fact that Wrath's room had moved.

Pride had felt a vague feeling of what he thought was envy at this, but it had been a while since he'd last felt anything so he wasn't sure.

Wrath had sort of been the mom of the Sins, not that any of them would ever admit it.

Well, aside from Pride, but Pride was only confused as to what Wrath had done to get himself accepted by the sides.

Pride himself had once thought, when had first been simply Pride, that he would be accepted, because he had been accepted despite his negative side. But he had had a good side then too, so what did Wrath offer that he didn't?

You see, before the split of Creativity, Pride had been both Thomas' pride and ego, or Prego, as Romulus had teasingly called him, shoving a basketball under his shirt and dashing away while cackling like a madman.

But, after Creativity had spilt, _Roman_ had taken the job of being Thomas' ego alongside of being his Creativity.

Pride vividly remembered that day, when half of his entire purpose had been ripped from him, remembered being turned back in a small lanky kid with bruises and cuts and the long, deep slash diagonal across his ribcage, going from his hip to up above his belly button, wide and ugly, the scar that would ache with phantom pain when Thomas' ego changed, sometimes reopening if his ego was too bruised or inflated. Pride remembered lying in the cold, dark depths of the subconscious for what felt like years. Remembered picking himself off the floor and wandering for days until he found the rest of the Sins. Remembered deciding that very day that he wouldn't dare show his heart to anyone again, throwing up a wall and acting like a jerk. He could vividly recall all of the nights he had spent silently sobbing into his pillow because he missed the sun, and the triumphant grin Romulus would give him when he created something that Thonas was proud of, the grin that he would never get to see again because Romulus was _gone._

Pride remembered the agony he felt for years because he had been halved, not split, and anger filled him. Anger at Morality for splitting Creativity and shoving him to the depth of Thomas' mind as he if he hadn't been a side for _years,_ and then anger at the twins, because the pain they felt at the split was temporary, whereas the pain Pride had felt lasted for years, and sometimes would come back with such force that it was all he could do to lay in bed, crying into his pillow because down in the depths nobody cared enough to check on him if he didn't come out of his room, and if they did, they would only laugh at his misery.

It was irrational anger, he knew, and he wasn't proud of how he treated the twins on the few times he saw them, but they hadn't spent nearly two decades crying themselves to sleep because they couldn't remember the feeling of Morality's hugs, or the over dramaticness in Creativity's voice as he told stories, blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a cape and a crown perched on his silver and gold hair, or the passion in Logic's voice as he ranted about science, or even the occasional backhanded compliments Deceit gave. 

They weren't around for that. In fact, Pride was certain that none of the sides remembered that. He knew none of them remembered how Pride would always try to cheer them up when they got down, knew they had forgotten the way he had always excitedly praised and complimented them, encouraging their interests and making sure they all knew that they were important. Knew that Deceit didn't remember how Pride had helped him feel proud of his role for Thomas. Knew Logic had forgotten how Pride had encouraged his interest in the stars. Knew Morality had forgotten how he had always praised his cooking, even if wasn't the best.

And it _hurt_.

It hurt like hell, and there was nothing Pride could do about it. He couldn't just wave a wand and make the sides remember the times they had together. 

He wasn't sure what their memories were like, what their past had turned into, but he knew Morality had caused it, intentionally or not. When he had ripped the job of being Thomas' ego from him and gave it to Roman, he must have taken the memories from the other's mind. Pride wasn't all that miffed about not being an arrogant bastard anymore, but he could have done without all of the pain, and his friends forgetting they were ever friends in the first place.

Pride was also confused as to why the sides thought he was a bad thing. He wasn't Thomas' ego, he was his Pride, and that was entirely beneficial. Roman was Thomas' ego. Pride was Thomas' sense of pride. Morality was always saying how the other sides, especially Anxiety, should be proud of themselves and who they are, and Pride literally was the physical embodiment of that feeling.

Him being in the subconscious did nothing but hurt Thomas' pride, which in turn, hurt him. Pride was always sporting a bruise or a small laceration, no matter what he did. And ever since Anxiety's creation, Pride...well, he hadn't felt particularly _proud_ of himself since then. Pride would never admit it, but he did _not_ have a good self esteem.

How could he? Nobody in the rickety, falling apart house that the "Sins" (how was Pride a sin? Maybe if he still was both Pride and Ego, maybe, but feeling proud of yourself was literally nothing _but_ good!) gave a rat's ass about him, and because of Anxiety (though he was only doing his job, it wasn't his fault) Thomas would second guess himself, leaving him to not feel very proud of his work, and thus slapping insecurities upon insecurities unto Pride.

When Thomas was particularly proud of something, Pride was over the moon, and he felt like he could bounce off the walls, freckled cheeks splitting into a permanent grin so wide it hurt, giggles of happiness escaping every few seconds as he rolled around on the floor and clutched his old plush to his chest.

Pride stayed in his room during those times.

However, there were two sides to a coin, and if Thomas _wasn't_ proud of something, or better (worse) yet, hated it, Pride suffered. He would stand in front of his old cracked mirror, waves of disgust and shame and _hatred_ washing over him as he stared at himself, tracing self inflicted scars, some old some new. Sometimes he would add to his collection until he finally broke down and sobbed into knees for hours, the dim light barely illuminating his floor as he stared at it with blurry vision.

Most of the time, Pride felt nothing. He felt nothing because he had become so convinced that he was a Sin that was so shoved back that he didn't have the capacity to feel, forgetting that as someone who was very creative, Pride was as important as all of the other sides in the forefront of Thomas mind.

Most of the time, Pride felt nothing, and if he did feel, it was strong and so, so overwhelming and he just wanted someone to hold him until he adjusted to the feeling of, well, feeling. But Pride hadn't been held in a long, long time. 

Most of the time, Pride felt nothing, because he had forgotten he could feel at all.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> the revaluation that roman was thomas' ego, and that pride could only literally be just pride, and that pride is actually a good thing and that pride and ego are very different, and that therefore pride is being wrongly accused of being evil and bad for thomas came to me in the shower and so i wrote this in one sitting to express my rage at the blatant mistreatment of my new son

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [crumbling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23062588) by [peachsneakers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers)




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